The seven stages of Gaslighting will take you deeper into the world of manipulators, and how to overcome their dominance into your life.
“Gaslighting” is a type of psychological abuse imposed on the victim due to their vulnerability, gullibility or even codependency. Such manipulation is composed of two people where one will act as a victim and the other as the abuser. Such psychological abuse will manipulate, persuade, take over or control the victim from all aspects. Gaslighting is usually done by a controlling, anti-social figure, who could be a member of the family, friend, boss, or even a colleague. The concept of “control” will victimize the other person, weaken his/her perception of matters, and destroy the victim’s confidence and self-esteem. Consequently, the victim will lose all sight with reality and rely fully on the abuser by giving away his/her power. The psychological game is usually mastered by certain figures in the community who are severely suffering from anti-social personality disorder. Gaslighting can also be used to destroy a victim’s credibility to others, which is mainly used in the corporate world.
The terminology “Gaslighting” was initially coined in a Hollywood movie produced in 1940. The plot was magnifying the various methods the abuser have used over the victim’s mind by creating deep emotional wounds. In fact, the abuser will target and doubt the victim’s sanity, memory, and perception over a period of time. Through this, the victim will fall tremendously into self-pity and the mercy of the abuser, pushing the victim to apologize every time he/she speaks or express reality or the best perception witnessed. The main intention of the abuser is to target the emotional equilibrium of the victim, and by doing this the victim will always be imprisoned inside a confusion state. Reinforcing more power over the prey, the manipulator will continue mind-gaming to ensure weakening the prey’s confidence level. Such insidious games will undermine the mental stability, causing the victim to be depressed, socially withdrawn and totally dependent on the abuser for their sense of reality.
The real term of this game is brainwashing the victim’s mind by incurring persistent manipulation repeated over a period of time. Such repetitive pattern will divert, remold and shake the victim’s perception and sense of reality. The repetitive course of action will discredit the victim’s credibility and undermine his/ her self-worth.
“Some people try to be tall by cutting off the heads of others.”- Paramahansa Yogananda.
Here are the seven stages used theoretically by the abuser. They are not necessarily followed by order:
- Lies and Exaggeration: The abuser here will create a negative statement about the victim. Undermining the value of truth that the victim is exhibiting or even demonstrating.
- Repetition: The emphasis here will precisely put more weight on the false statements the abuser is repeating on the victim. Resulting in placing the victim on the offensive side. The abuser will ensure he/she own, control, and dominate the relationship
- Raise the bar whenever challenged: If the abuser is being called on his/her lies, the abuser will increase the argument level by denying, blaming and reaffirming the false claims. Through this level, the abuser will ensure more confusion is put into the prey.
- Wearing out the victim: Such warfare will always put the victim on the offensive side doubling his/her pessimistic thoughts, confusions, doubts and fears. The victim in this stage is doubting the truth and doubting his/her sanity
- Codependency: The abuser will make sure the victim is always pulled by a string. In this stage, the victim is filled with doubt, anxiety, fear, and confusion, and will always seek the truth through his/her dependency on the abuser. The abuser will play the savior- victim game by accepting back the victim and re-assuring his/her approval, and love toward the victim
- False hope: The abuser will resort to such game by giving off superficial hope, kindness and mild treatment toward the victim.
Dominate and Control: The abuser will make sure his power/control is dominating the whole situation. Having said that, the upper hand in the relationship will make the victim at the mercy of the abuser, giving the abuser more power over the victim.
The Various stages of Gaslighting will not only devastate the victim’s sanity but will ensure the prey’s mental corruption. Therefore, to come out safe from such a relationship, one has to understand the true meaning of any relationship. Aside from reassuring respect within any relationship, always trust your intuition and gut feeling. Never guess or doubt yourself or let others have power over your voice, opinion or even choices in life. Make sure you have a trusted friend and a family member to confide in or even consult for any confusing matter happening in your life.
Reference:
[1] Preston Ni, “How to successfully handle Gaslighter and stop psychological Bullying”(2017)
